Dear Advertiser,

Just a Little Friendly Advice

Buzz Kill December 21, 2007

Dear US Department of Transportation,

First off, I really do like your tagline “Over the Limit, Under Arrest.” It’s clever and gets the message across.

HOWEVER…

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Hey Guys! Im Callin the Cops! December 12, 2007

Dear Pepsi/Coke,

Maybe I did watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York in the same night – maybe I didn’t. (Okay, I did.)

Either way, something really stuck out to this strat comm junkie.

Prior to Home Alone Original starting on VHS there was an ad for Pepsi, and then during the film I got to see Fuller guzzling Pepsi. As I moved on to the sequel I noticed that Fuller no longer drank Pepsi, he was now a Coke kid.

Now, American Airlines held onto the product placement from film 1 to 2…what happened to Pepsi?

Alright, I hate Pepsi, so I’m actually glad to see them disappear from the Home Alone franchise, but who on EARTH would let go of the contract? Anyone who has ever seen the first movie knows that even if the second movie totally sucked it was still guaranteed to be a freaking gold mine!!!

Like I said, Pepsi sucks.

Sincerely,

K

 

All That Glitters…

Goldie!

Dear Emporio Armani,

The new ad with David Beckham is HOT!!

However, the blogosphere has errupted with discussons not just about David’s fabulous figure, but that his world famous “Goldenballs” might be a teeny tiny bit exaggerated in the advertisement.

Okay, with a nickname like GoldenBalls, why don’t you keep everything black and white in the advertisement, except for some metallic gold briefs.

I mean, that is what I am everyone is looking at anyway. Might as well let the star(s) shine.

Cheers,

KR

 

I Can Make Pasta AND Ice Cream With That Thing?!?!

Filed under: Really?!,TV — K @ 2:48 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Dear KitchenAid,

I really want one of your amazing mixers. (**Hint*Hint**). From what I’ve learned from being in the kitchens of those more financially stable than I, you are doing okay. So why, I ask, did the commercial I just saw start out so great and then turn into a freaking infomercial????? There was a phone number suddenly appearing in the bottom for the last half of the commercial and there were promises of extra mixing devices if a purchase was made. Did Ron Popeil produce this spot?!?!

Last time I checked infomercial-style 30- to 60-second advertisements are for products that people probably shouldn’t be inclined to buy – but with the promise of 3 extra free gifts will go ahead and purchase.

PEOPLE WILL BUY A KitchenAid WITHOUT YOU TOSSING OUT EXTRA ATTACHMENTS.

This was such a downgrade! In my mind, the KitchenAid is now on par with Tweeze.

Regretfully,

K

 

Well I Think You Are Stupid. December 9, 2007

Filed under: Love, KR — K @ 9:39 pm
Tags: , , ,

Dear DiTech,

Your “People are Smart” ads downright piss me off. Are the viewers so brilliant that they can read the half screen of fine print you flash at the end of your ad? And really, could you run this ad during a worse time? Now I don’t think all subprime borrowers were morons, but obviously the lenders thought they were a hell of a lot smarter than the borrowers who are now stuck with mortgages they cannot possibly pay off.

Thanks but no thanks,

KR

P.S. I’ve done way too much a bit of research on the ethics of fine print in financial advertising, so my conclusion to the research is after the jump.
**Try to contain your excitement**

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My Favorite Food Group

Filed under: Love, KR — K @ 3:00 pm
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cheeeeese
Dear Sargento,

I really like your new commercials and I really like your tagline – Persnickety People, Exceptional Cheese. How often do you see a word as entertaining as “persnickety” in advertising? However, I don’t feel they quite fit together. The commercials highlight how you specialize in only cheese, unlike Kraft, which the commercials cleverly allude to but never directly call out. However, the tagline suggests that you are really anal about how you make it. Well, Kraft may be really particular about how they make their products, but that doesn’t exactly line up with your claim that they overextend themselves.

When I visited your site, I noticed the bar at the top of the site read “Our Family’s Passion is Cheese.” To me, this fits much better. Not only does it emphasize that you are passionate about it, but also the fact that your cheese-making is a family affair and not a conglomerate. As sad as I would be to see the use of persnickety go, I would appreciate a better tie-in.

Love,

K

 

Do Not Contradict a Friend of Stephen Colbert December 5, 2007

Filed under: Love, KR,TV — K @ 10:41 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Dear Sprint,

I’ve mentioned my fascination with advertising-induced cognitive dissonance. There is also my advice to never go against what Oprah’s friends say. The same goes for recent interviews I’ve seen on the Colbert Report. (And by recent, I mean like 2 months ago. Or maybe even tomorrow, thanks to the WGA strike.)

So when Stephen’s guest Walter Krin was promoting his new piece, “The Autumn of the Multitaskers”, and then I saw your new ad, I was totally turned off. If Mr. Kirn says multitasking is f-ing up my life, why do I want to buy your phone? Does anyone research new trends before making ads??

Love,

KR